Excuse me sir...yes you sir...the one with the big notebook in the front row.. would you mind coming up and lighting my invisible giant cigar? what??! you can't see it? but surely you can imagine you can see it? you do all the time right, when you write your reports and reviews and such and imagine you have seen my film?
Hello, thank you for inviting me to speak to the Convention of A**hole Movie Critics; oops, sorry, I meant the Convention of Armchair Movie Critics. Same thing really though, isn't it, folks?
