“We released ourselves on our own recognizance.” – Evelle

“What Evelle here is trying to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.” – Gale

20th Century Fox

After tunneling out of prison, running across a main sewer line (dumb luck, that), and throwing some pomade in their hair, the first place Evelle and Gale go is to visit their old prison buddy H.I. It just so happens to be at the worst possible time, though.

“He explained to us that Edwina’s insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.” – H.I.

Via Tumblr

Once they learn the devastating truth about Ed’s infertility, she begins her descent into inconsolable depression, harkening the end to the couple’s “salad days,” as they call them.

“I tried to straighten up and fly right, but it wasn’t easy with that sumb*tch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he’s a decent man, so… maybe his advisors are confused.” – H.I.

Via Tumblr

When we meet H.I. early on, he’s a repeat offender (they’ve got a word for that), finding himself in and out of jail and contemplating why he can’t live a normal life. While he doesn’t necessarily shirk his personal responsibility outright, he does imply a lot of the blame toward the Reagan administration.

“Would you shop at a store called Unpainted Huffhines?” – Nathan Arizona, Sr.

20th Century Fox

In the wake of Nathan Jr.’s kidnapping, the cops and FBI swarm about the home of Nathan Arizona Sr. As they make an inquiry about the changing of his last name from the less-fortunate “Huffines,” he gives the kind of answer the owner of “Unpainted Arizona” would be expected to give.

“We’re set to pop here, honey.” H.I.

Via Tumblr

As Ed and H.I. bring Nathan Jr. home, they become simply ecstatic over their newfound home life, however brief as it is. Wanting the moment to last forever, H.I. tries to capture it on film. It goes as well as you’d expect.

“Awful good cereal flakes, Mrs. McDunough.” – Evelle

Via Tumblr

While they may not be the best houseguests, both Evelle and Gale sure can be polite.

“What they call the dip-tet.” – Dot

Ridiculing H.I. over his general unpreparedness for family life, Dot lays out a systematic to-do list for him all while yelling at her kid for wearing his sister’s diaper on his head.

“That Buford’s a sly one. Already knows his ABC’s. Watch this, hit the deck, boy!” – Glen

Via Imgur

It’s hard to narrow it down to just one, but I’d argue this is Glen’s finest moment as a husband and/or a father.

“We have a child now! Everything’s CHANGED!” – Ed

Via Wordpress

Furious at H.I. for regressing into his old habits so quickly, Ed attempts to talk some sense into him. Just not at first.

“Well, no. Unless round is funny.” -Grocer

I bet this is still said about 40% of the time that someone buys a packet of balloons to this day without regard to the bewilderment of cashiers that are just trying to get through their shift with the minimal amount of human interaction.

“Y’all hear that? We’re using code names.” – Evelle

Robbing the “hayseed bank” on the day that farmer’s cash their government subsidies checks, Gale and Evelle hilariously prove their ineptitude throughout the robbery. They even end up using their real names, before their subpar attempt to cover it.